Love the Person, Hate the Sin?

Love the person, hate the sin. This is a phrase I
have heard my entire life and I think it is one most
of us have heard. I can remember growing up,
having said this myself when I was in school, but at
that time I did not realize how deep that phrase
could reach.
A few weeks ago, I was walking through the
Garrison at Henderson (which is sort of the social
building on campus). As I was walking, I came across
a table with free bibles being offered, a sign naming
the group a Christian club and a young man who
appeared to be middle-Eastern. I stopped to read
the sign, my intent was to see if this was an open
welcoming group, and this young man looked up
from his phone excitedly and began telling me all
about it. He informed me they are a Christian group
of people who gather for worship, bible study and
to build relationships. They believe that you cannot
build a good relationship with Jesus without first
being able to build relationships with your peers. I

thought, “okay, that makes sense, go on.” He
reiterates that they teach from the bible at least
five times during his spiel! My hopes for the
inclusiveness I wanted this group to have sank.
Once I was finally given the opportunity to speak, I
first asked what denomination they represented
(hoping so much they were open to all). He says no
exact denomination, Christians from all
denominations are part of the group. He tells me
they are most closely related to Assembly of God
beliefs and somewhat Baptist. My hopes stank even
more, as my experience has not been pleasant
when it comes to inclusiveness and these
denominations. I ask the last question to determine
if I wanted to continue this conversation, “you said
you teach from the bible, that being said, what do
you say about LGBT?” The poor guy immediately
began to stutter (is it ok to admit I get tickled
watching people squirm about these questions? I
just feel like they know deep in their heart it is
wrong and that’s why they don’t know how to
react!). “Well uh, we uh, I mean, we do teach as the

bible says so……I mean……we teach to love the
person, hate the sin.” He then goes on to explain
how the had “a uh…lesbian” in their group at one
time and she even got baptized! I felt like he was
saying, “oh I’m not racist, I have a black friend!” LOL
I was done. I very politely thanked the man for
telling me about his organization and told him to
have a great day and I left.
Immediately I called Joe because I was on fire! I
knew I needed to have this talk with y’all! How can
anyone say to hate the sin, and at the same time
claim to love the person. If a person is gay, that is
who they are! Therefore that “sin” is who they are,
and therefore, in turn, if you hate the “sin” you
must hate them! I have never truly been able to
wrap my head around this feeling. We as UUs are
said to follow in the teachings of Jesus. I take that to
mean exactly what we say at the beginning of each
service, “we welcome you, whoever you are,
whatever your beliefs, whatever your race, religion,
identity or preference”- I feel as UUs we follow
Jesus’s teachings by showing this love and warmth

to all. I also feel that is what all Christians should do
if they are claiming to follow the teachings of Jesus.
According to the Bible, as far as I understand, Jesus
did not hate anything or anyone! He did not
condemn anyone for who they were, in fact he
seemed to give more attention and love to the
people who “sinned” the most! He told us NOT to
JUDGE. If we are hating the sin, are we not judging?
Am I missing something here?
I know I am getting more fired up than the
norm up here and I hope that does not offend
anyone. Inclusiveness is something extremely
important to me and something I have been
battling as long as I can remember. This spans much
further than being an LGBT ally, it reaches to racism,
prejudices, exclusion of people with disabilities.
These are all things I fight for inclusion with.
I remember as young at five, being in
kindergarten and having my first “boyfriend”. His
name was Benjamin and I thought he was so cute! I
was so excited to tell me mom! She immediately

told me I could not go out with him because he was
not white (I’m not sure what race he was, but I
would guess he was Filipino). I was crushed! I liked
him so much and he liked me, and he was so cute
and why did it matter that he wasn’t white? I didn’t
understand. As it were, I never did come to
understand why that mattered. Later, I would hear
that being in a mixed-race couple was a sin, but that
still did not make sense to me because we are all
human, so why can’t we be with any other human?
This is a fight I continue to have with my family to
this day unfortunately.
Around 14 I made my first gay friend, Chris. He
was amazing! He was so vibrant and funny and cool,
and I was in platonic love! He made me feel like I
was the most beautiful girl in the world, and I
should “let my freak flag fly” and made me begin to
love myself. Again, I run home excited to tell my
mom, only to have my stepdad say I didn’t need to
hang around with that “fag”. (Thankfully, I ignored
him and his ignorance!) But of course, I first stood
up to him and told him to stop being so hateful and

there was no reason to act that way. Why should
anyone be persecuted for who they love? This did
not change a thing of course, but I have a hard time
keeping my mouth shut amongst hate.
The last story I want to share is about my friend
Yessica. She was from Mexico and did not speak
English as well as she would have liked. She was
extremely shy and honestly, a bit socially awkward,
even with her friends who spoke Spanish as their
first language. Yessica was one of the sweetest
people, but she was SO insecure about her English
and her looks and this caused her to be extremely
introverted. It took months for me to get her out of
her shell enough to just have a regular conversation
with me. Eventually, my baby sister, Betty Jean,
became friends with her baby sister and my parents
actually let her stay the night with her! I was so
shocked and happy, thinking maybe they were
turning a new leaf, however, as soon as Betty Jean
came home, I saw that was not the case. They asked
Betty if they fed her tacos. When they found out
the parents did not speak English and Yessica had to

translate the whole time, my stepdad said, “typical
spics.” They decided then that Betty would not be
going back. Thus, ending any chance of Yessica and I
ever being able to hang out outside of school.
I am sharing these stories because they are all
personal examples of times, I’ve seen my family of
“Christians” discriminate against others. I could go
on with many more, but we don’t have all day! LOL I
have always taught my kids not to use the word
hate because I feel it is too strong an emotion for
them to understand yet and it can be too impactful
if used the wrong way. Love the person, hate the
sin…. this is one of those ways that makes the word
hate extremely impactful to me. I want to live in a
world where we teach love the person(period). I
want to raise my kids to put love first in all
manners, not hate. I want this world to lead with
love! Maybe I sound like a hippy or dreamer to say
that, but I truly believe love is the answer to peace and happiness.
Let’s love the person. Thank you!